Dating as a single parent is an interesting and complex topic that single parents at one time or another, face weither with trembling trepidation or heartfelt joy. Single parents to not want to spend their time alone in the world; eventually the kids grow up and they go on with their lives without their parent. The questions that come up are What are the rules and regulations of dating? and When do you bring the child in the mix? These are very tough questions.
"There are two types of dating for single parents. The first type of dating is called " What's your custody schedule" dating is whenyou begin to date another single parent, Accordoing to Jodi Seidler, these odds are great,being that close to 62% of all parents these days are single parents. These type of single parents may or may not have their children on the same weekend,but if they do when spending time with the children, keep the affection focused on the children and not your date". (Joid Seidler)
"The next type of single parent dating is Non-Parent dating. These dates have little idea what the single parent lifestyle is really entails, unless they have dated before. Some issues may or may not come up. People that do not have children have to realize, as single parents we plan for things,we just don't do spare of the moment things. One thing that I do not do as a single mother, I do not introduce different dates to my daughter; I am setting an example for her; she does not need to think that my love life is a revolving door. For the most part, when I was dating, I would drive myself to the date and drive myself back home." (Joid.Seidler)
One thing I have always kept in mind and I still do, my daughter comes first. My daughter will never feel like she is loosig me. Acutally, my daughter encourages me to get out and date, she is tired of me bothering her. LOL :) Last but not least, as a single parent entering into the world of dating, you need to be careful in your choices, keep yourself safe,and most important keep your children safe. Be wise and go slow. As a role model you are responsilbe for choosing dates wisely.
YOU GET WHAT YOU SETTLE FOR, SO CHOOSE THE BEST!!! YOU DESERVE IT AND YOUR CHILDREN DO TOO..........
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
6 comments:
Wonderfully said! There is a guy who has tried to "take me out" for the past year. I DO NOT like the way he treats his daughter. I feel that she should come first, and that's not the case with him. I am the type of person who will help anybody I can, when I can. So, I pick her up from school on her first day in 2007 to help him. Met him at a store (I don't believe in letting just anybody come to my house) to drop her off and he was more concerned about me, than her and her first day in the fifth grade. I was disturbed because she'd already shared with me that her first day was horrible. So, needless to say, you are correct that children should come first in any situation, especially DATING!
You have the right concept about dating and being a single parent. There are parents who put their relationships first and do not realize the lasting effects they place on their children with a revolving door of men. Take your time and continue to provide those protective factors for your daughter. She will appreciate it them in the lond run!!!
I like what you said. Your children should come first. I wish my mom would take in that advice. She has always put her kids second. It's no big deal for me anymore but it is really hurting my baby sis. You tell by some of the behavior issues she demonstrates. Your kids should be the most important thing before dating but not everyone gets that. What can you do?
Tameka, you are right when you sayt that your children should come first and that you should be yourself and your children safe. I have a relative who had been dating a guy for about 6 months before finding out that he had a statutory rape charge pending against him that involved one of his younger and mentally retarded sisters. He swore that he had not done this awful deed, but was convicted and sentenced to a 1 year in jail. When he got out he began living with her and her 3 year old daughter. About 2 weeks ago, I was informed that he had to go turn himself in to the police because he had been accused of molesting a 4 year old girl. She called me and asked me if I thought that he did it and did I think that he had ever touched her child;I told her that I didn't know if he did or not, but that he should not be allowed anywhere near her and that she should speak with her daughter (who is 5 now) to see if he had ever tried to touch her. Sometimes we single parents get so desperate for love and attention that we do settle for less not realizing that when we do we are getting less than what we settled for. So, my advise for any single parent is to get to know the person really well before you allow them into your home and life. But realize that you can never really know a person because they can hide their true self from you their entire life. My advise is to pray without ceasing and let God be your guide throughout your life. Allow him to guide you to the person that he has preordained for you life.
I agree with MSWstudents comment. Being a single parent and dating is like juggling, and sometimes the ball gets dropped. To be honest, I question choices I have made and how it will effect my son who is now 16. It is especially hard when the person you're dating has children, too. There's ex-family issues and so many more problems that can develop, such as discipline, which can put another strain on the 'dating' relationship, especially if you're looking at long term commitment. You do have to be careful about the choices you make and the influence it can have on your children.
I abslutely agree with you. As a single parent, you must always keep the needs of your child/children at the forefront. One, any man/woman that cannot respect that is not worthy of the opportunity to respect you. Two, children are (not always) but usually some of our best critics and if they don't want him around there may be a reason why. Third, life is about living. Who needs the drama. If someone is not if your life to better it, then "keep it movin." Oddly, I began dating a guy about 4 years ago. My daughter is 5 so she had not known another man other than her father. So we began dating, we would meet at Barnes and Noble, talk on the phone, or go have lunch without my daughter present. He never asked why. On our first date to the movies he came to my house to pick me up, after my daughter was asleep. He was a perfect gentelman. So, I kept asking myself if I have been able to be friends with him for four months, then I must value his character so is it time for him to meet my daughter. Absolutely not. You may think this was too soon and my mom actually thought I was crazy but I did not care. I became so frustrated because I found myself liking him but realized that I could not continue engaging myself if he was going to have a problem with it. SO, i just told him, "Look, I am too old, have been through too much, and refuse to expose my daughter to you unless you are serious." He thought I was crazy too, but simply responded that "he was just being patient as he understood." That's just my story but we are getting married in December of this year, so he obviously did understand and I don't regret the potential sacrifice.
Post a Comment