Dating and the Single Parent

Dating as a single parent is an interesting and complex topic that single parents at one time or another, face weither with trembling trepidation or heartfelt joy. Single parents to not want to spend their time alone in the world; eventually the kids grow up and they go on with their lives without their parent. The questions that come up are What are the rules and regulations of dating? and When do you bring the child in the mix? These are very tough questions.

"There are two types of dating for single parents. The first type of dating is called " What's your custody schedule" dating is whenyou begin to date another single parent, Accordoing to Jodi Seidler, these odds are great,being that close to 62% of all parents these days are single parents. These type of single parents may or may not have their children on the same weekend,but if they do when spending time with the children, keep the affection focused on the children and not your date". (Joid Seidler)

"The next type of single parent dating is Non-Parent dating. These dates have little idea what the single parent lifestyle is really entails, unless they have dated before. Some issues may or may not come up. People that do not have children have to realize, as single parents we plan for things,we just don't do spare of the moment things. One thing that I do not do as a single mother, I do not introduce different dates to my daughter; I am setting an example for her; she does not need to think that my love life is a revolving door. For the most part, when I was dating, I would drive myself to the date and drive myself back home." (Joid.Seidler)

One thing I have always kept in mind and I still do, my daughter comes first. My daughter will never feel like she is loosig me. Acutally, my daughter encourages me to get out and date, she is tired of me bothering her. LOL :) Last but not least, as a single parent entering into the world of dating, you need to be careful in your choices, keep yourself safe,and most important keep your children safe. Be wise and go slow. As a role model you are responsilbe for choosing dates wisely.

YOU GET WHAT YOU SETTLE FOR, SO CHOOSE THE BEST!!! YOU DESERVE IT AND YOUR CHILDREN DO TOO..........

Beating Single Parent Stress

Being a single parent is not easy for anyone who is in this situation. A lot of times I feel like pulling my hair out from lack of sleep and just plain out worrying about things that I have no control over. Not sleeping properly was killing me slowly inside. Unconsciously, I was saying that I was not stressed out about anything. The real problems ranged from money issues to the smallest thing with fixing the toilet; my stress had nothing to do with my daughter.

One thing as single parents, we must look after ourselves; we are not perfect and we are not comic book heroes that can fix everything in 30 seconds. RELAX, BREATH IN AND EXHALE !!!
If we do not take care of ourselves, we can not properly function and be the protective factor for our children. As singles parents, we are going to have to put our health and well-being at the top of the priority list; we can not afford to not look after our health. The answers to beating stress are simple and lie in the basics: EAT RIGHT, EXCERCISE, GET ENOUGH SLEEP, AND MOST IMPORTANT........RELAX.

LIVE IN THE MOMENT AND DON'T WORRY ABOUT TOMORROW
DON'T FALL IN THE TRAP AND FEEL SORRY FOR YOURSELF.
I TYPED THIS IN ALL CAPS BECAUSE I AM SHOUTING THESE THINGS TO ALL SINGLE PARENTS. TAKE CARE OF YOU!!!!!!

Children of Single-Parent Homes/Two-Parent Homes

What does a single parent do when their child asks the question WHY DOES MY DADDY NOT STAY WITH US? Well, my daughter asked me this question when she was five years old. My first reaction was a poker face and a dumb-founded look; I was wondering WHERE WAS THIS COMING FROM? Kids are smarter than we think. At an early age, my daughter noticed our family dynamics compared to her friend, Diamond, who had both parents in the home. I did explain to her that some families don't have both parents, but that doesn't mean that there is something wrong. I talked to my daughter about the different family structures. I feel that my daughter was longing for her father to be there waiting to hold her in his arms, when she came from school, this was something she saw Diamond's father do day after day.I often wonder does having a parent absent from a child life's affect their stage of nurturing and their emotional development? Time and Time again, I have reassured my daughter that I can love her just as much as two parents can. Single parents have to be that nurturing and guiding factor in their child's life.We have to be the one their waiting to give them that HUG!! at the end of the day.

Chasing Down the Non-Custodial Parent,Financially and Time Spent With the Child

When I say chasing down the custodial parent, I don't mean literally running them over with a car. ( in some instances, that what you may feel like doing !!) I am referring to parents who have custody of their child/children that have to get the legal system to chase the non-custodial parent down just to take care of a their child/children.

I have had first hand experiecence with this chasing the non-custodial parent down for fifteen years. Suprisingly, I have been to family court with my daughter's father eleven time; each time leads to a dead end. I have often asked myself, "Who's side is the court system really on?" I have come to the conclusion that some of these parents are stuck in the adolescent stage; they still need to be nurtured. Money is not the only issue, the quality of time that is being spent is an even bigger issue. I think that some chldren value spending time with both parents, but that is not always the case.When the other parent has to make the non-custodial parent spend time with a child, that is a problem within itself or when the other parent gives the child false hope, I can fill up a shoe box full of false hope promises my daughter's father has promised her, only leaving behind a mess for me to clean up. I don't think that some parents realize how these unaccepting practices leave open wounds on a child that leave permanet scars; some of these children develop trust issues later on. The only thing I have to say is be careful what you do and say to children, they mimic our every action. Children are a blessing and should be treated as such.

Demographic Trends in Single-Parent Families

It appears that the United States has the highest percent of single-parent families (34% in 1998) (family.jrank.crg0). Most single-parent homes are headed by women. I watched a show the other night on MTV called True Life; this episode was about single-parenting. To my suprise, there was a man on the show that was raising his five children on his own; it appears that the mother was strung out on drugs and she was not properly taking of the children. In my opinion this was a demographic transition, because most people expect to see women taking on the role of single-parent.
In watching this show it was very evident that one particular girl was not stable enought be raising a child at the age of eighteen; she was going through an identity crisis and appeared to be having problems establishing her role as a mother. The young lady did not realize that parenting is a interactive process, with reciprocal parent-child and child-parent influences (Maccoby,2002). As I continued to watch the show, I came to the conclusion that the demographic trend was births to unwed mothers was the consequence of unplanned, accidental pregnancy coupled with the decision not to marry. To say the least these young adults were not ready to be parents and needed some coping skills as well as community outreach resources. This trend is not decreasing,it is rapidly increasing; there is a need for more educational programs to help young adults adjust to this life changing event; this can help young adults develop parenting efficacy and may help them overcome environmental conditions and improve thier child's well-being.

Single-Parent Families-The Effects On Children

" In the United States, the effects of single-parent family life on children fall into two categories: 1. those attributed to lower socioeconomic status of single parents and 2. the short-term consequences of divorce that moderate over time. Four factors are predictive of U.S. children's adjustment to the divorce of their parents: the passage of time, the quality of children's relationship with their residential parent, the level of conflict between parents, and the economic standing of the children's residential family". (family.jrank.org)
Not only are children born into the one-parent home, they also come into one parent homes by divorce. Some studies state that children of one-parent homes are at risk of antisocial behavior, aggression, anxiety, and school problems than children in two parent homes. I feel that some of these problems are a result of unavailable resources and adult supervision; many of the negative effects disappear when there is inadequate supervision, income,and continutity in social networks.

Society feels that the common explanation for the problem found among children in single parents has been the absence of a male adult inthe family, What's the explanation for those children being raised by a male? In my opinion, parents have to be parents, take on the role of parenting, not as " THE FRIEND" I feel that some parents are not raising their children, but the children are raising themselves, to be a parent, you have to act like one. How a child acts depends on their upbringing.

Risk Factors Associated with Nonmarital Childbearing(SINGLE PARENTING)

Coming into young adulthood is a risk factor within itself, try being a single parent between the ages of 18 to 35, the risk factors increase at a rapid rate. Understanding risk factors associated with single parenting is vital for the policy makers who are concerned with reducing the rate of children born out of wedlock. Some of the common risk factors are childhood experiences, environmental issues, neighborhoods,socioeconomic opportunities, family structures,parents'marital status, parental educational, and income levels are some of the common risk factors thought to be associated with single parents.(www.family.jrank.org)

According to research, risk factors for single parents is caused by the instability in family arrangements that are associated with job loss and frequent migration .(www.familyjrank.org)
It appears that society thinks that children in single parent homes who experience poverty and inadequacy of resources face a higher likelihood of being involved in nonmarital fertility. It has come to my understanding that some researchers think that nonmarital fertility is influenced by neighborhood contexts, meaning women in neighborhoods iwth a higher concentration of public assistance recepients experience high levels of nonmarital fertility, possibly because of receipt of public assistance is related to poverty, the absence of positive role models, and a lack of community resources.

To speak for myself, I was raised in a lower middle class suburban home, I was raised with the traditional views about female gender roles and the family. I had high self-esteem, high academic possibilities,high goals, and my family was very loving. My nonmarital childbearing was not caused by my socioeconomic background, nor my neighborhood, but by the phase " emerging adulthood" (Hutchinson,2008). I was exploring my relationships and trying to transiton into young adult, not knowing I was about to become labeled a "RISK FACTOR".
Being a single parent and having overcome many risk factors, has made me a stronger person and appreciated the protective factors that were put place for me to become a better parent and strive to have a better life for my child.

Challenges of Single-Parenting

Parenthood is challenging under the best conditions. Imagine being a single parent with risk factors staring you in the face on a day to day basis; being single parent multiplies the challenges and increases the potential risk factors.Coping with being a single parent becomes more difficult because of the enormous amount of responsibilities. Single parents make all the decisions for all the family needs; task over-load, when the demands of work, housework, and parenting can be overwhelming for one person. As a single-parent, we do these things to insure that are children have the appropiate protective factors to prevent them from having to encounter the risk factors that society labels us with.

Another challenge is the emotional overload; single parents must be available at all times to meet the needs of the children and themselves as the mediator, motivator,investigator, and the terminator.Single-parenting also brings loneliness, anxiety, and depression; with a strong support system as well as being a strong self motivator we can overcome all of these risk factors.

Personally, I have a problem asking help from others; I think that I am MISS SUPERWOMAN !!! Society tries to define the family as an autonomous unit responsible for its own circumstances and well-being, I guess I am trying to say I can stand on my own. But, I have come to the realization that everyone needs a little help. The challenges of single-parenting are only obstacles that I continue to overcome; I AM A PROTECTIVE FACTOR FOR MY DAUGHTER.

Society's View on Single-Parent Families

Many of societal views on single-parenting families are expressed through social policies and agendas. Society views single families as broken families; this considered a threat to social order. In researching this topic, It appears that Western Countries support the wellbeing of children, regardless of the number of parents with programs such as guaranteed child-support, health insurance, childcare, maternity and parenting benefits.I feel that as a single parent, for years I had to jump through hoops to get many services that I needed at the time. I also felt like people look at me as just another woman bringing a child into the world out of wedlock.

In some Third World countries, single mothers are socially ostracized and seen as having inferior status (Kinnear 1999). Societal views on single-parenting are also expressed in public disclosure through legal and pubic policies. I feel that society tries to push the traditional mold and cast stones at the single mother. I feel that a lot of society's behaviors have to to with social age and social identity. In today's society,there needs to be more institutional support for the new type of dual-earner and single-parent prevalent.

Single Parenting in Young Adulthood

I chose to research the topic of Single Parenting in Young Adulthood. This topic is very important to me personally and professionally. On a personal level, I have been a single parent for the past fifteen years and I can say that I have done a GREAT!! job of raising my daughter by myself; I went from being a young eager college student, to being a nineteen year old mother. Professionally, most of the clients I serve are from single parent homes. Single parenting is considered a demographic trend that is rapidly increasing and changing the face value of the typical family. ( What is the look of a normal family?) Not only are children being raised by one parent, but that parent is typically the mother, look how the make up of the family has changed over the past thirty years.
According to the statics of family.jr.org, single parenting is changing social and cultural trends, whether the result is positive or negative. Regarding what statistics or anyone else says, I am going to remain positive on this topic. Over the next couple of weeks I will be posting some of the issues that Single parent families are facing.